Rarely practice discern

First and foremost, it's becoming quite clear I can write whatever I want here and nobody will ever read it. That's fine, it's the internet, and I don't have a fan base (for some odd reason hehe), but now it seems as if I will just be typing to myself, rather than the regular occurances of talking to myself. And on occasion dancing with myself, naturally.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. It all comes down to the simple fact that I like the layout of this blog, and I refuse to not use it.

*Sidenote- you know the world has changed when people's decisions are based on whether or not they like the layout of a blog.

I wrote someone not too long ago that I had changed about 10,000 times since they last spoke to or saw me. It didn't hit me until I wrote it out, exactly how true that statement was. Not that I really have 10,000 features wrapped up in me, but the point was made.
On a scale of Changed to Not-So-Changed, I am definitely at Changed About 10,000 Times More Than You'd Expect.
Not really in my beliefs or morals though, so much as in my attitude towards living out those beliefs, and how I strive towards what I really want in life.
It's amazing how many times other people have to make you think you have failed before you realize that you probably can do anything you really want to.

I just thought that was interesting. The fact that I had indeed changed a lot more than I had realized in the last year. Maybe because it was just a little bit at a time. It seemed like one big Extreme Car Makeover to me though. Which is still in effect right now. The finishing touches are abound, if you will. It's not quite time to say "move that bus", but we are nearing the last stages.

I don't think I have bad judgement as the title of this blog hints at. But I do think I am more lenient in my life choices, and more risk taking. I feel like I'm actually living life now. Not to be all "life is meant to be lived, dont hold back, you only get one shot" or anything. But seriously, LIVE.

I guess all I can say is there was a point in my life where I thought I was the happiest I could ever be. Ever. And I actually was the happiest I had ever been. And it was pretty safe, and the rest of my life was shaping up to be pretty safe. It would have been full of happiness, but also really safe. Then all of it got "taken" away from me. (I say "taken" merely because it was not my decision to leave that life) And through the amazing adventure I went on after that time, I finally came out of it, almost 3 years later, actually truly happy. Back where I began (California here we come, right back where we started from...) and more happy than I ever was when I thought my happiness had peaked. I am not afraid of letting people who hurt me out of my life. I no longer fear new things, or new adventures. I make new decisions, and I know what it means to be brave, and I actually feel brave sometimes. I live and laugh and love, and I got my Disneyland pass back (I have weird priorities). Besides some small trust issues with the opposite gender (which, for all intents and purposes I am staying away from for my own sanity) I am the happiest I have ever been. But this time I know I have not peaked. Not even close. Even in this year alone I know there is so much more to do and see and be and GET. And if being a little discerning is what it takes, then please, join me in my new practice.