Marriage

Give me a break already.

Also: the Ice Cream Bar is shaping up nicely...

Don't steal our ideas though. We will sue. Also, we are in the Pirate-Ninja Alliance, so you don't want to mess with us. And believe me, you don't want it to come to that either.

And remember kids, there's no sleeping in the Lounge!

In Silence.

So I'm back at work today. [boo]
I really didn't have a choice. I feel so guilty sitting at home all day, watching TV, laughing at Ellen, sighing at Oprah, waiting for the day to pass. Even if I am sick, it just feels wrong to me.
So here I am. Trying to feel as human-like as possible.
I still have no voice though. It ran away 1/2 way through Saturday and never returned. So I sort of feel like Ariel. Yes, I most definitely am referring to The Little Mermaid. Remember when she had no voice? It's not much different than that.
Except of course I don't have an evil sea witch trying to capture my father, I'm not chasing the love of my life, I do not talk to animals, I am scared to death of the sea [let alone living in it], Ariel doesn't have to go to work, I can't sing even when I do have my voice, my faithful sidekick is not a fish, I'm not only going to have legs for only 3 days, and most notably, I am not a mermaid.
Other than that....it's the same deal.

I also was in a minor car crash today, one of which I wish not to discuss any further, but I thought necessary to bring up because it gave me the shakes, made me say profanities over and over again, and was not the ideal way to start a day. Plus, my neck may be starting to hurt which will be an inconvenience as well.

Other than the things I have just noted here I am pretty stoked on life again. And no, that was not sarcastic. I know when someone such as I am sarcastic so often it becomes hard to tell, haha.
But I really am!

I went to Disneyland on Saturday with my long lost friend Alex. I didn't even realize how much I missed him until I was with him again. Plus, we were at Disneyland, the Happiest Place on Earth, so it was bound to be a good day. And I met Goofy. What else could you ask for?

I feel there is more to write, but I just can't concentrate right now. Maybe it's the sickness or the tiredness or the minor concussion I got from the minor accident I was in earlier...I guess I'll try to work on some work stuff. Maybe later my thoughts will organize themselves and I'll have more interesting things to say. Or I'll work on The DSAA....I am in the middle of a Series.

15 more minutes...

I cannot make it to Bamboozle Left this weekend, but I will be going to Disneyland. :)

I forgot to take my lip stud out at work today and now I only have 15 minutes left of work, and I just realized it now. Oops.

I'm refusing to be sick. My throat can hurt, and my body can cough, and my head can threated me with a headache, but I will not acknowledge it. (that's a hard word to spell)
I just plain refuse.

Here's to hoping the weekend is good. I know it's going to be better than the next 15 minutes at least... oh! 12 now....

you dont really care for music, do ya

I've never not had their support before. Maybe I don't deserve it anymore. Maybe I'm not to be believed in.
I don't know if I think that's the truth, but it's the easiest thing to believe. The easiest thing to feel.
And honestly, I'm sick of the feelings that take work to maintain. I can't help if I have to search a little harder than others. I can't help if what I want is not as tangible as numbers, or formulas, or degrees.
I've never had them tell me, even in a roudabout way, to give up. Even though it would really be hard work towards a goal, it would feel like giving up on something I truly believe in.

I fear having a normal life.

All I want to do is prove that passion is enough. But I don't think I'm enough to prove it.

Who the hell decided that degrees and books and numbers and papers determine how passionate you are about something? Since when do looks reflect someone's performance? When did it start being more important to go by the book than by your heart? Who forgot that we are not all the same? And what the eff do you do when you are backed into a corner by no possibilities but the ones that make you feel the least like you?
Where do you go?

Life is winning in this one kids.

I feel discouraged. And I feel somewhat alone, meaning I have some things on the inside to fix apparently.

Le sigh. When did it all get this hard?

Remember when I was a bird and you were a map?

I need someone to tell me what to do. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to consider all my options, and what I would be gaining or leaving behind with each of them. I'm done with that. I want to just decide and not have to think. When I think I just end up thinking in circles, and I get nowhere, and it drives me crazy. Someone, please, when it comes to this decision, just tell me what the heck to do.

So work should be fun today. My friend and I both got an email from our manager asking us for (private) meetings this afternnon to discuss some employee policy changes. This becomes more of a big deal when you know that we both get "talked to" about things we do wrong all the time. Not tasks at work...no, personal things we do wrong. Anyway, my friend inquired as to whether or not she was in trouble and my manager informed her that she wasn't, every employee had to be notified of the changes and my manager just preferred to do them individually. Which is odd because the other girl in our department didn't get any email about any private meeting about any sort of employee policy changes. Needless to say we are not thrilled, we are actually rather downtroden due to the fact our work seems to be attempting to break our spirits. Well so far:
Work: 18 (approx.)
Us: 0

I'm so over it, but I have no place else to go.

This is already a pretty sucky day. And I was in a good mood this morning and everything...

Morning Thoughts

I hate when people walk behind my desk at work. This is pretty unfortunate as I sit with my back to one of the main employee entrances, and 2 walkways through my department. But it just drives me crazy all day with the step, step, step, step, step, step, step...behind my back. Really puts me on edge sometimes. Like, I just want to turn around and yell "stop walking behind me!". Like the people I work with are just walking by, trying to make me attempt to pull all my hair out. I almost expect to look in the reflection of my computer monitor one day and see a line of them pretending to sail by in a canoe, or walk downstairs or something...just so their presence behind me is felt.

le ugh.

It's April. Right this very moment. In 2008. Wowie.

I made my dog, Josie, hang out with me last night. She was pretty stoked about it.

Clearly.

My friend Amanda thinks the world is going to end soon. I don't blame her. She just recently became one of my very close friends, even though we live states apart. Weird how that happens, huh? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Absinthe does too for that matter...but that's a whole different line of discussion.



My friends always have people falling in love with them. All over the place, all the time. I never ever do. It's like this huge effort just to get attention for me. Which is weird. I don't think I'm ugly or boring so I don't get it. Not that I'm stressed about it...it just doesn't add up I guess.



I making plans again. You know, for life. Life plans. Pretty excited, but surprisingly scared as well. It would require another huge change for me. Like I haven't changed my whole life a thousand times already. Actually I try to experience at least one thing a day that does change my whole life. And if I talk to you, you will probably hear about it. "Yeah, (blank) just changed my whole life!" is what I will say to you. But really, these new life plans would change almost everything, again. Perhaps I should just get through this year though, before I start worrying about the next. Perhaps...



Things have changed for me. But that's ok. I feel the same.

They all came back like we knew they would

[gotta get your fix down in Hollywood]



My Hollywood reunion trip this weekend was a blast. Between $5 wine, unexpected walls, backalogers, frontalogers, Ruiess, Lady Cigarettes, Sizzlers, Strangers, showcases, buses, trains, 5 mile walks, pizza on the sidewalk, the "9 inch Club" and the most glorious trifecta destiny ever created....this weekend was no where near disappointing.



Unfortunately I did not document my adventures very well in photo form. Something that was immediately regretted.



The only moment that got documented at all was when Amber became the Canadian Logger named Ruiess (pronounced Roo-ee-s).
But it was a pretty darn good moment :)









Don't worry though, next time we have already decided to try harder.



I forgot how much I missed Hollywood. I guess it's cause I never really did before.