you dont really care for music, do ya

I've never not had their support before. Maybe I don't deserve it anymore. Maybe I'm not to be believed in.
I don't know if I think that's the truth, but it's the easiest thing to believe. The easiest thing to feel.
And honestly, I'm sick of the feelings that take work to maintain. I can't help if I have to search a little harder than others. I can't help if what I want is not as tangible as numbers, or formulas, or degrees.
I've never had them tell me, even in a roudabout way, to give up. Even though it would really be hard work towards a goal, it would feel like giving up on something I truly believe in.

I fear having a normal life.

All I want to do is prove that passion is enough. But I don't think I'm enough to prove it.

Who the hell decided that degrees and books and numbers and papers determine how passionate you are about something? Since when do looks reflect someone's performance? When did it start being more important to go by the book than by your heart? Who forgot that we are not all the same? And what the eff do you do when you are backed into a corner by no possibilities but the ones that make you feel the least like you?
Where do you go?

Life is winning in this one kids.

I feel discouraged. And I feel somewhat alone, meaning I have some things on the inside to fix apparently.

Le sigh. When did it all get this hard?